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Healing Through Relationships |
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When wounding occurs at the hands of another person, our natural
tendency is to withdraw and take on a defensive posture. And why not?
Consider a physical wound. Our body naturally responds by compensating
for the wound and protects the wounded part from further injury by
limping, sending messages of pain when we stress the wounded organ, or
shutting down unnecessary body functions to invest the most energy in
recovery of the wound.
However, these same organs or muscles atrophy into crippling positions
if they are not exercised once the danger for further damage has
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The same is true for our psychological, emotional and relational
wounds. While the risk for harm remains acute, it is reasonable to
operate defensively. These defenses may include numbing to reduce
emotional pain, withdrawing or striking out in anger to protect one's
self relationally, or staying hyper-alert to shifts in one's
environment.
Once the danger is passed however, it is important to regain healthy
functioning. This may include learning to trust in a safe environment,
it may include responding to an over-active startle response with self-
soothing. It may also include combating internal messages of
worthlessness and shame, with truthful and healthy messages of grace
and self-compassion. These are difficult exercises when everything in
your psyche is fighting to stay in a defensive and protective posture.
The most likely avenue for healing then is in healthy relationship
where one can risk, deal with small disappointments, and learn to trust
again. In this way, trust that was broken in relationship, also is
restored in relationship.
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